WOW! Hannah, your introduction was absolutely amazing. Not only is your topic choice unique, it's one that I feel many people think about but do not talk about. I am definitely looking forward to reading your later stories.
I really and truly don't have anything to wonder about besides what your stories will entail -- which I will just have to wait and see! You put just enough detail into your introduction while still leaving enough room for your reader's thoughts to flow freely in their head about the topic. The questions you asked brought me into my own thoughts that I never really acknowledged before.
If anything, I think you could maybe add in a short introduction for each biblical figure you plan on using as not everyone will be familiar with them. Then again, I think this could be explained through the stories themselves if you plan on writing out the same general storyline with more dialog and emotion. Either way, I'm sure they will turn out to be great!
Hi Hannha! Your introduction was quite amazing! I felt very engaged throughout it all and by the end I was already wanting to read more. Too bad it was just the introduction. You're introduction was truly a teaser into what's to come the next few weeks. Saying just what you need, but not too much so you don't give everything away to the audience.
Although this is just the introduction, I wonder what the characters that you chose from the Bible will feel. How their emotions will shape their stories and everyone around them. How it'll also make the reader feel as they read through each story and immerse in their emotions.
Like I said, your introduction is great, but what if you give a brief introduction to each of the stories you plan on telling? I did see that you touched on some biblical characters in the introduction, but they didn't pertain to the stories that you chose to write about. Keep up the great writing!
Hi there Hannah! It's super cool to meet you! Well I must say that your storybook idea is very different from the other's I have seen thus far. It appears to me that you are going to create stories based on previous knowledge from scripture? Or are you planning on rewriting the specific stories of, say for example Adam and Eve, and just heightening the aspects of their relationships? Either way, I think it is a really cool idea.
I really like that you have the different stories already sectioned off on your website, I wasn't sure if you were just going to pick one story to work on or what. I also see that they are placed in chronological order in terms of which story occurred.. are you planning on leading into each new story from the previous one, or keeping them separate? For one of the units I chose to read the Biblical Women Unit, and I LOVED how they all lead into each other. Plus for a reader who has no previous knowledge on these topics, the more context, the easier it is to read and understand the stories, plus enjoy!
There is probably oodles amounts of sources that you can use for your stories, but if you haven't checked out the Biblical Women Unit, then I would highly recommend! Because it focuses more on the women, it might give more insight into the aspects of romance and love between these couples.
Other than that, I am excited to read your stories as they develop! I think it is going to be a really interesting storybook!
Hi Hannah, I love this. Personally I have never thought about the relationships between people in the bible, and I love that you have drawn attention to this. I also like the comment you made how we often dehumanize them, it is so true. You never really hear people talk about marriages and love between the couples in the bible or even in most churches for that matter. This story book is a great topic and I feel like you will really be able to get creative with their relationships and their feelings. I also think that it would be cool to maybe include stories about how they meet or what attracted them to one another. Maybe you could also modernize their relationships and talk about the trials and the situations they face. I am so excited to read more. Your introduction was very attention grabbing. I looking forward to see how this progresses! Great job and good luck.
Hey Hannah! So glad to see you decided to retell stories from my favorite topic, the Bible! I'm super excited to see how this turns out. Just like you said in your intro, we do dehumanize the characters in the Bible and make them almost two dimensional. I hope you can dig really deep into the stories and find inspiration for your characters to really bring them to life. These stories can mean so much more to us if we can relate to the people in them. That's something, as you noted, us modern folks have trouble with because we come from such drastically different cultures and speak different languages. I suppose you could say the uniting language through it all is love.
I just have a few notes on your storybook thus far. I like the simple design and the banner works very well. It does bother me just a bit that the title isn't capitalized, but if that is a style choice you made, more power to you. Also, in your introduction, you say "in the following pages, hopefully I can provide a look...", I'd recommend dropping the hopefully in there to give yourself a more confident tone. You did your research, be confident in it! I know those are nitpicky, but that's only because I can't find many things that I don't like about your storybook thus far. Looks like it'll be a good one!
Hi Hannah! I really like the set up for your website. The pictures and design are very aesthetically pleasing. The first thing I noticed is that your introduction is written for someone interested in men. I think it would be interesting to include some experiences for people who are attracted to women. Also, did you consider wording “…the feelings we feel…” differently? I thought the verb “experience” instead of “feel” might make it sound a little less repetitive. When you wrote “…I will hopefully provide a look…” it made me sad. Be confident! You ARE going to give us a view of these new details. I like the topic of your storybook and I think it will be very interesting to read! It sounds like you’ve already got your stories planned out which impresses me. The intro seems a bit short to me, but I could be wrong. I’m doing a portfolio instead of a storybook so I’m not entirely sure what the guidelines are for this. Maybe you could talk more about what love was in the times and cultures you plan to write about. Was marrying for love accepted or were marriages arranged? What other rules/traditions around love were different? Good job on this and good luck with this project! :)
Hi Hannah! First off, I absolutely love your idea for the storybook! It's very creative and definitely something to think about. I saw that you have posted a couple of stories already, and I can't wait to read those as well as see the finished storybook at the end of the semester. When you said we tend to dehumanize the people from back then because it was so long ago, I realized how true that statement was and I couldn't agree more.
The way that you set up the site itself is very good! It's easy to navigate and the layout and colors look really nice. I wonder how you chose this topic. I assume you are familiar with the stories from the Bible. I have never even thought about the actual feeling of the people in the Bible and I'm excited to see how creative you get with all of it. I wish you the best of luck with your stories!
Hello Hannah! The setup of your site looks very nice. In regards to your introduction, the line “There are prayers that a girl prays in her room when she’s young for her future husband”, is missing commas at the beginning of when and the end of young. This sentence confused me at first because I did not understand how it was separated, but figured it out after a minute. Also, the sentence that involves “until now”, after the word them it should be a comma instead of a period. Until now is not a full sentence. It is creative that you chose to write about stories that have been left out. This idea gives you more creative freedom to write more in-depth stories, when some of the originals only scrape the surface. The image you chose was very fitting. Many people think of biblical characters in a less human way than they truly were. They had feelings and emotional struggles just like us. I am interested in reading your future work.
Hi Hannah! First, I want to say that the setup and organization for your page is excellent. It is clean, simple, attractive, and well thought out. I like the topic that you picked. It seems unique in comparison to many of the storybooks that I've looked at. I think that it will be very interesting to read these re-imagined stories. Your introduction did an excellent job of laying out what you want your storybook to be about. You have a very clear and precise theme! There were a few areas with slight typos or punctation errors that I saw. For example, in the sentence where you mention the pregnancy of Abraham's wife, you said "even in her own age". Did you mean old age? Also, there were several sentences that could use commas to help better clarify the thought. That was really all I saw, tiny little nitpicky editing things. Good luck. I'm really looking forward to reading your stories!
First off, I love the lay out of your project! It is simple, yet satisfying. I think the topic you have chosen will be a fascinating one to read. I am glad you started off your introduction with a question. It gets your audience thinking before you give them an answer. Once you start to write your stories, you could increase the length of your introduction by providing some insight to your stories within your introductions! This will provide your readers with a more specific direction.
I see that you have set up your story pages, and I am interested to see what you do with the stories you have chosen to include.
One suggestion I have for your last few sentences is to take out the word "hopefully". It will make you sound more confident and prevent your readers from believing you aren't completely sure what you are writing about. You got this girl, own it!
I very much relate to your introduction - especially the "did he notice me??" part! I can't believe I've never thought of these questions! Learning that these biblical figures probably felt the same things we do when it comes to love is an awesome feeling! "even in her old age"
Your letter from Eve to Adam was cute and modern sounding which made it very relatable! I think you did an excellent job incorporating the main story of Adam and Eve in a modern way while still staying true to your overall theme of love and relationships. I'm looking forward to reading the response from Adam! Will it be set after they leave the garden? Will he blame her for them being kicked out??
I wanted to read more! You already have the titles of your other stories up so I was like OMG this girl is on fire! I get to read more!! But no :( That's okay, I'll definitely be coming back to check this out later!
Hi Hannah, My first impression was that your home page looks different, probably because of the lower case letters. I like that, as well as the heart-shaped tree. In both your introduction and the story, I appreciate how you kept a lot of details and authenticity from the original stories while bringing the characters to life. I particularly liked how you neither vilified nor excused Eve. I would be very much interested in reading Adam's reply. Would it include their children? I have always thought his naming her 'the mother of all living' was quite tender. Is there a reason the stories you mention in your introduction are not the same as the ones you have listed under stories? I like the pictures that you set as the page background for the introduction and the story. The small ones at the bottom also added character. Little editing thing - do you mean to have 'thinking' in the second sentence? I look forward to reading more!
Your topic for your final project was so interesting and unique. How did you come up with this idea? I loved reading the story of Adam and Eve from the perspective of Eve. I feel like you gave up on this story before it was finished. Based on your title of your project and your introduction I would think that the story would have more to do with their love, which we never see in your first story. Even though your story wasn’t what I expected I still enjoyed it. One thing I wondered as I was reading your story is how did Eve get writing utensils and paper? This didn’t make a lot of sense to me since you had just talked about how new the world it. Those are just a few things that came to my mind as I was reading your story. You did such a good job.
Hi Hannah! Your intro was really well done and so interesting! Everything you said about love was so relatable. Your thoughts on the Bible were a nice touch because you are so right that we often dehumanize everyone in it and hold them to kind of a higher standard even though they were people too. I'm always very interested in people's reasoning behind things and learning about their emotions... must be the psychologist in me! Biblical love stories is such a cool topic because there are so many of them. I like that you started your project with, in a sense, "the original" love story of Adam and Eve. Your writing style is really pretty and you keep your tone very consistent and serious, but not in a boring way. It's more like you really believe in what you're writing and put a lot of thought into each word which is what makes your writing so fun to read. It makes you feel something and makes you think. Can't wait to read more!
Hey Hannah! I’ve been to your storybook before, and it looked like it was going to turn out well. I really like that you added a background photo for the story. I wish the picture of Adam and Eve was in the middle of the story, or at least higher up. Pictures at the end always feel tacked on to me. When a character is thinking, I generally write their thoughts in italics. I think it helps to clarify that they are thinking. I wish that Eve had spoken to Adam instead of writing him a letter. It feels strange to me that she wrote to him instead of talking. Maybe if you could add a justification for her actions, it would be better. Perhaps she is worried God will hear them speaking? I like that you include her deepest thought and feeling about the event and Adam. Very nice job with this!
Hey there Hannah! I'm excited to be back to your storybook (thanks to the randomizer haha), but I wasn't expecting it to happen to soon! I see you have added some things to your storybook, including images and arrangements, but I most noticed the changes you made to your story one.
I am intrigued by the idea of writing this in a way that makes it sound like the women are writing stories to their men. Is that something that you want to do for each story, or is that specific for just the Adam and Eve. Whichever one it is, I think its a great idea, and I could see that being a really cool theme among your stories. The tone of your writing is very interesting in that it's like the imagery and the actions (probably because we are all already somewhat familiar) place our minds back in that time, but us as readers read it in modern english. If this can stay consistent, I think it could be really beneficial! Happy Writing!
I really like your choice of Storybook, mainly because I don't know much about the couples in the Bible and it's nice to have a perspective inside such a famous piece of literature. Your introduction made me understand why you chose to write on this topic, however, it didn't give me a clear representation of who was going to be talked about throughout your project. I think that making it more obvious what the readers are getting into would help pull people in.
The way that you wrote your stories is more modern, which I love. Making the story telling more modern allows the readers to relate to the stories more, since we are obviously not in Biblical times, and no nothing of how people felt/expressed emotions during that era. My one comment about your writing is to try and make each piece longer! I feel as though the stories are short, and they leave me wanting more. Other than that, you have a great thing going here and I'm looking forward to coming back and looking at your Storybbook!
I want to start out by complimenting your layout. I really like that you have a faint image in the background and that all of your stories are already listed under one tab. It's easy to navigate and looks great!
After reading your first story, there were several things that stood out to me. I love that you took the time to explain Eve's thought process before jumping into the letter. I also love that you included that letter-style of exposing more of her emotions. It really put a more modern spin on the story that allows us to see more of Eve's internal conflict throughout the story.
I definitely was left excited for the next part of the story, but I know you are moving on to the next story after this. I like that because you leave your reader room to create their own additions to the story and their own assumptions as to what ends up happening.
Hello Hannah! Your version of Adam and Eve is amazing. Writing it from a first person perspective gives it a fresh appeal. Reading the words that are coming from Eve and her reasoning for eating the forbidden fruit gives a new outlook on the original. The way she tells it also gives it more of the feeling that a modern person is telling the story, especially the end. The line about childbirth made me laugh out loud literally, great addition. As far as negative things or things to change there really is not much. The layout is nice but the font choice with the background makes it a little hard to read. Maybe chose a more thicker font style. The words get lost in the background some. That is actually the only change I would make. The story hits all the points I was looking for given the style. Looks to be an interesting series.
First thing I wanted to say was that I really liked your project idea! I thought it was really creative, and you did a great job presenting everything in the introduction. You included a lot of detail and description and did a great job with setting the tone for the rest of the project. I also really liked your project format and background. I really like the fact that you made your stories told by the women while they are writing a letter. That was a really cool element that I would not have though about. It is definitely creative and adds more depth to the story! I think that the first person perspective of Ruth was also great. It makes it feel more real when the reader is in her shoes. That is something that really stood out to me, and I think everyone else will like that as well. I am anxious to find out what happens next. Keep up the good work!
WOW! Hannah, your introduction was absolutely amazing. Not only is your topic choice unique, it's one that I feel many people think about but do not talk about. I am definitely looking forward to reading your later stories.
ReplyDeleteI really and truly don't have anything to wonder about besides what your stories will entail -- which I will just have to wait and see! You put just enough detail into your introduction while still leaving enough room for your reader's thoughts to flow freely in their head about the topic. The questions you asked brought me into my own thoughts that I never really acknowledged before.
If anything, I think you could maybe add in a short introduction for each biblical figure you plan on using as not everyone will be familiar with them. Then again, I think this could be explained through the stories themselves if you plan on writing out the same general storyline with more dialog and emotion. Either way, I'm sure they will turn out to be great!
Hi Hannha!
ReplyDeleteYour introduction was quite amazing! I felt very engaged throughout it all and by the end I was already wanting to read more. Too bad it was just the introduction. You're introduction was truly a teaser into what's to come the next few weeks. Saying just what you need, but not too much so you don't give everything away to the audience.
Although this is just the introduction, I wonder what the characters that you chose from the Bible will feel. How their emotions will shape their stories and everyone around them. How it'll also make the reader feel as they read through each story and immerse in their emotions.
Like I said, your introduction is great, but what if you give a brief introduction to each of the stories you plan on telling? I did see that you touched on some biblical characters in the introduction, but they didn't pertain to the stories that you chose to write about. Keep up the great writing!
Hi there Hannah! It's super cool to meet you! Well I must say that your storybook idea is very different from the other's I have seen thus far. It appears to me that you are going to create stories based on previous knowledge from scripture? Or are you planning on rewriting the specific stories of, say for example Adam and Eve, and just heightening the aspects of their relationships? Either way, I think it is a really cool idea.
ReplyDeleteI really like that you have the different stories already sectioned off on your website, I wasn't sure if you were just going to pick one story to work on or what. I also see that they are placed in chronological order in terms of which story occurred.. are you planning on leading into each new story from the previous one, or keeping them separate? For one of the units I chose to read the Biblical Women Unit, and I LOVED how they all lead into each other. Plus for a reader who has no previous knowledge on these topics, the more context, the easier it is to read and understand the stories, plus enjoy!
There is probably oodles amounts of sources that you can use for your stories, but if you haven't checked out the Biblical Women Unit, then I would highly recommend! Because it focuses more on the women, it might give more insight into the aspects of romance and love between these couples.
Other than that, I am excited to read your stories as they develop! I think it is going to be a really interesting storybook!
Hi Hannah,
ReplyDeleteI love this. Personally I have never thought about the relationships between people in the bible, and I love that you have drawn attention to this. I also like the comment you made how we often dehumanize them, it is so true. You never really hear people talk about marriages and love between the couples in the bible or even in most churches for that matter. This story book is a great topic and I feel like you will really be able to get creative with their relationships and their feelings. I also think that it would be cool to maybe include stories about how they meet or what attracted them to one another. Maybe you could also modernize their relationships and talk about the trials and the situations they face. I am so excited to read more. Your introduction was very attention grabbing. I looking forward to see how this progresses! Great job and good luck.
Hey Hannah! So glad to see you decided to retell stories from my favorite topic, the Bible! I'm super excited to see how this turns out. Just like you said in your intro, we do dehumanize the characters in the Bible and make them almost two dimensional. I hope you can dig really deep into the stories and find inspiration for your characters to really bring them to life. These stories can mean so much more to us if we can relate to the people in them. That's something, as you noted, us modern folks have trouble with because we come from such drastically different cultures and speak different languages. I suppose you could say the uniting language through it all is love.
ReplyDeleteI just have a few notes on your storybook thus far. I like the simple design and the banner works very well. It does bother me just a bit that the title isn't capitalized, but if that is a style choice you made, more power to you. Also, in your introduction, you say "in the following pages, hopefully I can provide a look...", I'd recommend dropping the hopefully in there to give yourself a more confident tone. You did your research, be confident in it! I know those are nitpicky, but that's only because I can't find many things that I don't like about your storybook thus far. Looks like it'll be a good one!
Hi Hannah! I really like the set up for your website. The pictures and design are very aesthetically pleasing. The first thing I noticed is that your introduction is written for someone interested in men. I think it would be interesting to include some experiences for people who are attracted to women. Also, did you consider wording “…the feelings we feel…” differently? I thought the verb “experience” instead of “feel” might make it sound a little less repetitive. When you wrote “…I will hopefully provide a look…” it made me sad. Be confident! You ARE going to give us a view of these new details. I like the topic of your storybook and I think it will be very interesting to read! It sounds like you’ve already got your stories planned out which impresses me. The intro seems a bit short to me, but I could be wrong. I’m doing a portfolio instead of a storybook so I’m not entirely sure what the guidelines are for this. Maybe you could talk more about what love was in the times and cultures you plan to write about. Was marrying for love accepted or were marriages arranged? What other rules/traditions around love were different? Good job on this and good luck with this project! :)
ReplyDeleteHi Hannah!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I absolutely love your idea for the storybook! It's very creative and definitely something to think about. I saw that you have posted a couple of stories already, and I can't wait to read those as well as see the finished storybook at the end of the semester. When you said we tend to dehumanize the people from back then because it was so long ago, I realized how true that statement was and I couldn't agree more.
The way that you set up the site itself is very good! It's easy to navigate and the layout and colors look really nice. I wonder how you chose this topic. I assume you are familiar with the stories from the Bible. I have never even thought about the actual feeling of the people in the Bible and I'm excited to see how creative you get with all of it. I wish you the best of luck with your stories!
Hello Hannah! The setup of your site looks very nice. In regards to your introduction, the line “There are prayers that a girl prays in her room when she’s young for her future husband”, is missing commas at the beginning of when and the end of young. This sentence confused me at first because I did not understand how it was separated, but figured it out after a minute. Also, the sentence that involves “until now”, after the word them it should be a comma instead of a period. Until now is not a full sentence. It is creative that you chose to write about stories that have been left out. This idea gives you more creative freedom to write more in-depth stories, when some of the originals only scrape the surface. The image you chose was very fitting. Many people think of biblical characters in a less human way than they truly were. They had feelings and emotional struggles just like us. I am interested in reading your future work.
ReplyDeleteHi Hannah!
ReplyDeleteFirst, I want to say that the setup and organization for your page is excellent. It is clean, simple, attractive, and well thought out. I like the topic that you picked. It seems unique in comparison to many of the storybooks that I've looked at. I think that it will be very interesting to read these re-imagined stories. Your introduction did an excellent job of laying out what you want your storybook to be about. You have a very clear and precise theme! There were a few areas with slight typos or punctation errors that I saw. For example, in the sentence where you mention the pregnancy of Abraham's wife, you said "even in her own age". Did you mean old age? Also, there were several sentences that could use commas to help better clarify the thought. That was really all I saw, tiny little nitpicky editing things. Good luck. I'm really looking forward to reading your stories!
Hi Hannah!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I love the lay out of your project! It is simple, yet satisfying. I think the topic you have chosen will be a fascinating one to read. I am glad you started off your introduction with a question. It gets your audience thinking before you give them an answer. Once you start to write your stories, you could increase the length of your introduction by providing some insight to your stories within your introductions! This will provide your readers with a more specific direction.
I see that you have set up your story pages, and I am interested to see what you do with the stories you have chosen to include.
One suggestion I have for your last few sentences is to take out the word "hopefully". It will make you sound more confident and prevent your readers from believing you aren't completely sure what you are writing about. You got this girl, own it!
Hey Hannah!
ReplyDeleteI very much relate to your introduction - especially the "did he notice me??" part!
I can't believe I've never thought of these questions! Learning that these biblical figures probably felt the same things we do when it comes to love is an awesome feeling!
"even in her old age"
Your letter from Eve to Adam was cute and modern sounding which made it very relatable! I think you did an excellent job incorporating the main story of Adam and Eve in a modern way while still staying true to your overall theme of love and relationships. I'm looking forward to reading the response from Adam! Will it be set after they leave the garden? Will he blame her for them being kicked out??
I wanted to read more! You already have the titles of your other stories up so I was like OMG this girl is on fire! I get to read more!! But no :( That's okay, I'll definitely be coming back to check this out later!
Hi Hannah,
ReplyDeleteMy first impression was that your home page looks different, probably because of the lower case letters. I like that, as well as the heart-shaped tree.
In both your introduction and the story, I appreciate how you kept a lot of details and authenticity from the original stories while bringing the characters to life. I particularly liked how you neither vilified nor excused Eve. I would be very much interested in reading Adam's reply. Would it include their children? I have always thought his naming her 'the mother of all living' was quite tender.
Is there a reason the stories you mention in your introduction are not the same as the ones you have listed under stories?
I like the pictures that you set as the page background for the introduction and the story. The small ones at the bottom also added character.
Little editing thing - do you mean to have 'thinking' in the second sentence?
I look forward to reading more!
Hi Hannah.
ReplyDeleteYour topic for your final project was so interesting and unique. How did you come up with this idea? I loved reading the story of Adam and Eve from the perspective of Eve. I feel like you gave up on this story before it was finished. Based on your title of your project and your introduction I would think that the story would have more to do with their love, which we never see in your first story. Even though your story wasn’t what I expected I still enjoyed it. One thing I wondered as I was reading your story is how did Eve get writing utensils and paper? This didn’t make a lot of sense to me since you had just talked about how new the world it. Those are just a few things that came to my mind as I was reading your story. You did such a good job.
Hi Hannah! Your intro was really well done and so interesting! Everything you said about love was so relatable. Your thoughts on the Bible were a nice touch because you are so right that we often dehumanize everyone in it and hold them to kind of a higher standard even though they were people too. I'm always very interested in people's reasoning behind things and learning about their emotions... must be the psychologist in me! Biblical love stories is such a cool topic because there are so many of them. I like that you started your project with, in a sense, "the original" love story of Adam and Eve. Your writing style is really pretty and you keep your tone very consistent and serious, but not in a boring way. It's more like you really believe in what you're writing and put a lot of thought into each word which is what makes your writing so fun to read. It makes you feel something and makes you think. Can't wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteHey Hannah! I’ve been to your storybook before, and it looked like it was going to turn out well. I really like that you added a background photo for the story. I wish the picture of Adam and Eve was in the middle of the story, or at least higher up. Pictures at the end always feel tacked on to me. When a character is thinking, I generally write their thoughts in italics. I think it helps to clarify that they are thinking. I wish that Eve had spoken to Adam instead of writing him a letter. It feels strange to me that she wrote to him instead of talking. Maybe if you could add a justification for her actions, it would be better. Perhaps she is worried God will hear them speaking? I like that you include her deepest thought and feeling about the event and Adam. Very nice job with this!
ReplyDeleteHey there Hannah! I'm excited to be back to your storybook (thanks to the randomizer haha), but I wasn't expecting it to happen to soon! I see you have added some things to your storybook, including images and arrangements, but I most noticed the changes you made to your story one.
ReplyDeleteI am intrigued by the idea of writing this in a way that makes it sound like the women are writing stories to their men. Is that something that you want to do for each story, or is that specific for just the Adam and Eve. Whichever one it is, I think its a great idea, and I could see that being a really cool theme among your stories. The tone of your writing is very interesting in that it's like the imagery and the actions (probably because we are all already somewhat familiar) place our minds back in that time, but us as readers read it in modern english. If this can stay consistent, I think it could be really beneficial! Happy Writing!
Hey Hannah!
ReplyDeleteI really like your choice of Storybook, mainly because I don't know much about the couples in the Bible and it's nice to have a perspective inside such a famous piece of literature. Your introduction made me understand why you chose to write on this topic, however, it didn't give me a clear representation of who was going to be talked about throughout your project. I think that making it more obvious what the readers are getting into would help pull people in.
The way that you wrote your stories is more modern, which I love. Making the story telling more modern allows the readers to relate to the stories more, since we are obviously not in Biblical times, and no nothing of how people felt/expressed emotions during that era. My one comment about your writing is to try and make each piece longer! I feel as though the stories are short, and they leave me wanting more. Other than that, you have a great thing going here and I'm looking forward to coming back and looking at your Storybbook!
Cassidy
Hi Hannah!
ReplyDeleteI want to start out by complimenting your layout. I really like that you have a faint image in the background and that all of your stories are already listed under one tab. It's easy to navigate and looks great!
After reading your first story, there were several things that stood out to me. I love that you took the time to explain Eve's thought process before jumping into the letter. I also love that you included that letter-style of exposing more of her emotions. It really put a more modern spin on the story that allows us to see more of Eve's internal conflict throughout the story.
I definitely was left excited for the next part of the story, but I know you are moving on to the next story after this. I like that because you leave your reader room to create their own additions to the story and their own assumptions as to what ends up happening.
Thank you for sharing!!!
Hello Hannah!
ReplyDeleteYour version of Adam and Eve is amazing. Writing it from a first person perspective gives it a fresh appeal. Reading the words that are coming from Eve and her reasoning for eating the forbidden fruit gives a new outlook on the original. The way she tells it also gives it more of the feeling that a modern person is telling the story, especially the end. The line about childbirth made me laugh out loud literally, great addition. As far as negative things or things to change there really is not much. The layout is nice but the font choice with the background makes it a little hard to read. Maybe chose a more thicker font style. The words get lost in the background some. That is actually the only change I would make. The story hits all the points I was looking for given the style. Looks to be an interesting series.
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ReplyDeleteHey there, Hannah!
ReplyDeleteFirst thing I wanted to say was that I really liked your project idea! I thought it was really creative, and you did a great job presenting everything in the introduction. You included a lot of detail and description and did a great job with setting the tone for the rest of the project. I also really liked your project format and background. I really like the fact that you made your stories told by the women while they are writing a letter. That was a really cool element that I would not have though about. It is definitely creative and adds more depth to the story! I think that the first person perspective of Ruth was also great. It makes it feel more real when the reader is in her shoes. That is something that really stood out to me, and I think everyone else will like that as well. I am anxious to find out what happens next. Keep up the good work!